A two card spread about my Tarot Reading
I’ve been feeling odd about my reading tarot. Odd meaning, not sure how pure my motive is? I’ve been questioning myself, questioning tarot, feeling a bit of an imposter, almost incredulous, especially when I am reading online and pulling the cards. Sometimes it feels like it’s all a bit of game? A bit of a confidence trick? I do my best but sometimes the responsibility to too onerous, especially when someone pays me £60 for a half hour reading and all she wants to know is whether a man is on his way into her life? And the cards don’t oblige.
Having been single for a lot of my life I know what a pressing question it has been for me over the years and how often I have wanted to be reassured that love is on the way. I remember an astrologer friend saying love would arrive when I was about 67, and I was mid 50s at the time. Well that was tough enough and I missed them anyway. I can only imagine how hard it would have been for me to be told then, as it has evolved, one way or the other. No.
I’m holding out for 76 as perhaps she got the numbers reversed.
Hence why it is especially difficult when the cards don’t seem to reflect any sign of imminent love, no knight in shining armour heading his way, or indeed any kind of knight, or even page. It is particularly when asked to do a reading like this that I feel the tarot is not equipped to support, for want of a better word, a mother of two children who would really like someone to share the load and share her life. Which I completely understand and want for her!
It is one example of the kind of reading that makes me feel like a fraud. Because I don’t want to say, sorry, nothing happening in the love arena that I can see in the cards for the foreseeable future. I know how crushing that might be.
Discussing it with a friend, who is a complete tarot sceptic and thinks tarot is for vulnerable mugs grasping for words of wisdom/kitchen sink comfort, where I play ‘god’…..a horrible thought, because I take Tarot seriously, and my role seriously, and the cards received seriously and so do my clients. Hence I heavily feel the effect of NOT receiving any romantic looking cards in a tarot spread expressly designed to elicit the potential ahead in that department.
Judging truth balancing fairness and compassion alongside the card of enjoyment and satisfaction.
And so today I pulled one card to reflect/represent me in relation to the Tarot and I pulled Justice. An honourable card at least. Justice holds the sword of truth in one hand and the scales of justice, of fairness and compassion in the other . Her skill is in balancing the two.
Being honest without hurting other people’s feelings. Speaking the truth with fairness and compassion. Which feels a pretty accurate reflection of how I approach the tarot and the balancing act of a reader.
Perhaps comforted by Justice, which does suggest accuracy at least, and kindness, I decided to pull an advice card, about how to deal with my doubts about the whole thing. An advice card about how to become a better reader perhaps. I imagined cards that said, work harder, hone your skills, develop your practice, use my intuition more, don’t loose confidence, or self sabotage, take control (I did have that once, as I do have a tendency to read by encouraging the receiver to decide the meaning. With a lot of hints along the way as I think that might be more powerful. But instead ends up with me being unconvincing and doubtful).
My advice card was the nine of cups. Now the first thing I say about the nine of cups as an advice card, is fake it to make it. Lighten up. Enjoy. It’s not the holy grail after all.
The nine of cups is card of enjoyment, pleasing yourself, being a bit indulgent, after all he looks very satisfied, and is often referred to as the bon viveur. There is of course the question of what he might be hiding behind the curtain under which the nine cups stand. Is there a tad of superficiality about his satisfaction? A tad of fake it to make it?
I have often seen the card apply to someone who has a perfectly good job but it doesn’t really fulfil them?
Oh dear, on the one hand, lightening up does sound like good advice, after all we already have Justice, so quite enough truth and balance and I do tend to take to take myself a bit seriously. On the other hand, perhaps it is also suggesting that there is a superficiality to my reading.
Hmm. I think perhaps not taking it so seriously might be the way to go. After all it was invented as a parlour game. Perhaps I need to lighten up to my clients so they can take what I say with a pinch of salt. Take was serves them and diss the rest.